Submitted by: William
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.
After marriage, the "y" becomes silent.
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.
My wife told me I should be more affectionate.
So I got two girlfriends.
A husband said to his wife,
"No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can have whatever he wants provided that his mother-in-law gets double. The man thinks for a moment and then says, "OK, give me a million dollars and beat me half to death."
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.