"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."
"Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat
it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they
should give you two weeks' notice. There should beseverance pay, and
before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills
than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
"I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the
"Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's
how dogs spend their lives."
"My grandfather's a little forgetful, but he likes to give me advice. One
day, he took me aside and left me there."
"I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four
people make up 75 percent of the population."
"Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that is still
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
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